UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
