this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he was CRYING into my vagina
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
