We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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