he shaved USA in his pubs
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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