i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
