Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
