My hand turned me down
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
