you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you will always have a special place in my vag
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
