I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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