i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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