i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
