This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
