When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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