Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
