I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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