Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
