I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
