Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
