I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
