what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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