My entire life is one complicated drinking game
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
