Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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