His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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