About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
