You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
