did you get engaged???
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's rum buckets o'clock
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
