yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
