if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
