I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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