i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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