I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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