We're like a lot better than the average bears
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
