on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
