so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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