Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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