apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
