I wanna bring you to show and tell
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
