I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
