sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
