You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
