i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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