She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
