Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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