Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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