i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
