My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She even gives head with a lisp.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
