You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I can text with my tongue
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
