I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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