dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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