i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
