No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
