I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
