My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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