Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
