I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dear god my vagina.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
